World of Warcraft and the Single Girl

I’m gonna make this post a little personal today.  I have several inspirations. One,  I am currently one month shy of my 30th birthday — single and never married with no kids.  Valentine’s day is right around the corner – it always manages to make you feel relationship-retarded in one way or another (whether attached or single).  And Beru had a wonderful and heartfelt post that she made last week.

My last boyfriend (the controlling, self-absorbed prick) and I were together for 4 years.  After I left him, I moved in with my old roommate from college.  She introduced me to WoW and the rest, they say, is history. 

When I think back, most of the boyfriends/relationships that I’ve had in my life I’ve met while participating in hobbies that I was into at the time.  My highschool boyfriend and I met during a retreat for the church youth group I was involved in at the time.  As most highschool romances go, things fizzled as we went off to college to start new lives/identities. 

In college I was highly involved in my sorority.  At one point I was living “the dream.”  I was president of my house, dating the tall and handsome president of one of the best fraternities on campus.  I was the envy of other girls.  We went to date functions together, I was there to root him on during his intramural games, he took me on vacations during spring break/winter break.  Really, it’s was how I always dreamed it was going to be.  Then, in the summer before my senior year, he dumped me.  I’ve never been more devastated.  I think it was mainly because it was the first time I had really felt love/been in love with someone.  It’s hard to ever see yourself happy with anyone else when you truly believed you had already found that one person that was right for you.  But sometimes, things just don’t work out as you have them planned to. 

Fast forward a year or so, and my next boyfriend I met out at a karaoke bar that I frequented.  (I got really into karaoke for a while there, and seriously, it draws quite a unique group of “regulars”).  As my love for karaoke fizzled, so did my relationship.  Shortly there after, I started playing poker very regularly, where I met the controlling, self-absorbed prick, we know how that goes… and here I am today.  Single, and with a new hobby. 

I have a point here with all this background, I promise.  So I got to thinking the other day about why it is that in the last two years I haven’t met somebody.  I have had dates, even sexual relations (gasp!) but no real long-lasting connections. 

For the last two years my hobby has been World of Warcraft.  I enjoy the play style, the challenge, the atmosphere and the people I have met because of it.  It takes up a lot of my free time, which in the past has been any of a number of things.  Yes, at times it was TV, at times it was sorority life, at times it was karaoke and at times it was poker. 

Is my interest in playing World of Warcraft restricting my romantic possibilities?

I sorta think it is.

Yes, ok, I know where you are at now… “How about you just meet someone in WoW?”  So let’s talk about meeting someone in World of Warcraft. 

I would not shy away from this possibility.  I feel like, look… I’m normal, well-socialized own my own house/car/have a good career, I’m disease free and mentally stable AND I play World of Warcraft.  I’m sure there are plenty of guys I interact with online that are in the same boat as I. 

And interact I do. Being a single girl, in a guild filled with mostly single men does have its perks.  There is always flirtation going on.  All people love to flirt.  When someone shows interest in you it’s flattering.  I have always been a big flirt, and as we all know that flirting can be quite the ego boost, it makes you feel wanted, it just feels good, period. 

So here I am, getting these good feelings by interactions I’m having with guild members. Some of my romantic/relationship needs are being met. Is this causing me to not go else where to seek out flirtation and in turn the reason I’m not meeting someone?  

This type of activity is pretty par for my course.  In every hobby I’ve had, there’s been flirtation, romance, fun, etc.  What makes my WoW hobby different is that these flirtations have very little chance to develop into something more.  Although we are close by one another in Azeroth, in real life the distance is far.

Ok, so I don’t have a good way of ending this.  Maybe I just haven’t met someone, maybe it’s just not my time yet.  WoW may have nothing at all to do with it.  I may be scapegoating here. 

Chin up.

42 Responses to “World of Warcraft and the Single Girl”

  1. “I have had dates, even sexual relations (gasp!) but no real long-lasting connections.”

    That right there tells me something. Your going out, trying to meet people being social. Just haven’t met the right guy yet. Alot of girls settle too, maybe you’ve learned not to from asshole douchebag.

    If you were a hermit, or weren’t trying I would say something. If your worried about it try internet dating, it isn’t for me, but others I know have had success. Funny story, a non-gamer friend of mine went on a date with a pretty girl, he told me she started talking about World of Warcraft, then he looks at me and goes, “Do you know what a Death Knight is?” I almost pee’d myself laughing. I told him to dump her, that class sucks. LOL!

    • That’s a whole other animal. And I think you are on to something there. I was really hurt by my ex, and so I think there is definately part of me that is holding back a lot still. The whole afraid to get hurt again thing. Innocent flirting on WoW doesn’t really lend itself to heart break.

      I made the mistake of signing up for Plentyoffish.com a couple weeks ago. I was thinking about doing match.com or eharmony instead, but after reading the reviews, one person was like, “just try plenty of fish and that will give you a preview of what its like without having to pay any money.” The jew in me loved this idea.

      I received plenty of messages, plentyofgrossdisgustingmenpervs.

    • Oh, and I would never date a DK. :)

  2. I met my wife through Internet Dating. Seems the clientele may be best suited to the lifestyle we lead.

    My wife is a Renfaire, MMO gamer who reads Sci-Fi, Fantasy and watches Anime and thinks The Lord of The Rings movies are the greatest thing in the world…

    It took me 30 years to meet her though.

    Patience wins!

    • You’re right, I shouldn’t try to rush into anything. Mr. Right will come along. I just want to make sure that I’m not afking in Orgrimmar waiting for a BG que and miss him.

  3. Met mine in WoW. Trick is finding one willing to move almost 3000 miles for you. =D

    The only issue I have with internet dating is that is allows so much opportunity for the pretty facade to go up. They know they’re being reviewed as a potential mate, whereas when you meet someone through a hobby, that’s probably the furthest from their mind and you can see who they really are. Take a guy to a raid that’s going poorly and watch how he responds. That’s probably how he’ll respond in real life to the shit hitting the fan.

    • So I shouldn’t curl up in a ball, and whimper like a whipped dog in raids anymore..check.

    • You are so right. That applies with any hobby, and WoW especially. Love the example you gave.

      Makes me think of the other day when my guild was doing some 5v5 war games. We are in Twin Peaks and it’s me against the flag carrier (shadow priest) and his healer (holy paladin). I know i’m not killing anyone here so it’s time to distract and fear til some dps on my team shows up. I hit fear on the pally and see the words “resisted”… Fuckity, fuck fuck.

      I then see the white text “Swing and a miss.” come from his character.

      Too funny.

  4. I think you will find someone as well! :) A few of my friends have met their bfs/gfs in game. One friend is even married to someone she met in WoW and they just had their first baby. The problem with finding someone from WoW or Internet dating is that there’s just so many people! You have to weed through all the pervy-noobs to find your elite knight in shining armor! Valentines day can be rough when you’re single, but just remember, you’re perfect man could be in your next dungeon group! Hehe

  5. There’s nothing wrong with being single. And, nothing wrong with playing lots of WoW! You may meet a guy there, but in the meantime enjoy what YOU do and the time that you have to be single. We need to quit stressing about not being in a relationship and celebrate it instead. When you’re single, you’re so busy worrying about how you’re going to meet “the one” that you forget that you should be enjoying life and be happy…WoW makes you happy, so own it!

    I wrote a book about all the virtues of being single. It’s called “365 Reasons Why I’m Still Single.” It’s a great reminder for every day of the year of why it’s great to be single (and it makes a great Valentine’s Day gift for your single friends!)

    You check it out on Amazon: http://amzn.to/efDMiC or be a fan on Facebook!

    • I never said I was unhappy being single. The point of this post was that I usually meet significant others thru the hobbies I chose, and how the fact that my hobby is an MMORPG – and the effects that has on me finding a relationship.

      Wanna know what was NOT the point of this post? You to try and hustle your book sales and facebook fan page. For that reason I’ve changed the link you provided to something a bit more appropriate.

      Thanks for stopping by! Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out!

  6. [...] just posted a post about being kind of lost in the mix so to speak. and she ponders if it’s gaming the root.  I [...]

  7. Don’t feel bad, I’m in the same boat as you, but I’ll be 39 next week. (omg I am quitting birthdays after this one I swear)

    I’ve tried the eharmony thing, but every profile comes back with the one thing he’s most passionate about being his kids. Now, that’s cool, it’s the way it should be when you’ve gone and procreated … but I don’t want any, and there seems to be no way to specify wanting someone that’s not got any (only not having any that live with them.)

    So I just keep playing WoW, and having fun with my ingame friends and hoping that maybe the next dude we PuG into Baradin Hold will be someone interesting.

    And if you find any better answers than that, let me know. :p

    • I’m pretty open to dating a man with kids. I’m not sure if kids are something I will have. I’m kinda open to that as well. I think as you get older, meeting a man that does have kids is much more likely than one without.

      I don’t think i’m going to go the internet dating way. Kinda like Arioch said, everyone is on their best behavior, then you gotta weed out the losers. When you meet someone casually, you get the chance to see them at their best, and at their worst. That way you have a better idea of who you are trusting yourself with.

  8. That sounds a lot like me!

    Well, not the pre-WoW part, I’ve never been much of a relationship person. But I’m even less of a relationship person when I’m playing WoW. Every single time I’ve been in any kind of relationship beyond the one night stand has been during breaks from raiding or phases where I was playing very little. And like you were describing, it’s the *drive* to meet someone that disappears when I’m playing intensely.

    WoW bloggers are always talking about how they met their soul mate in WoW and how it’ll happen to us someday. But you know what? I’ve been playing for 5 years. I’ve NEVER met anyone in WoW that I even WANTED to date. Oh, I’ve had crushes and hookups, but none of those guys were relationship material. I think it takes a certain type of person to find love in WoW and I’m just not that type.

    And here’s a funny story: I left my raiding guild a week ago. About 2 DAYS LATER I get asked out by someone IRL whom I’d like to get to know better.

    • Good luck with IRL guy :)

      I would be open to meeting someone in WoW, like I said… but the realist in me just doesn’t see it happening. And if “The Secret” has taught us anything, it’s that if you don’t believe it, it won’t happen. (hahahahah :P)

      I’m content with my life right now. Happy even. I think that meeting the right person – online or RL – could compliment my life and lead to even more happiness. I’ll just stay open to all possiblities.

      • Thanks :) I’m moving faar faaar away in a couple of months, so nothing serious is going to come from it, but it’s fun to be asked out by someone who seems cool.

        I’m not against meeting anyone in game, it just hasn’t happened. Just haven’t met anyone I was attracted to and who would be a good match (and who was attracted to me too).

  9. In society women are forced to think they need to be married and they need to pop out 2.5 kids or they are a failure. I think women & men should alway feel extremely comfortable being alone before they commit to a long term relationship.

    The point of the post is Bee meets her SOs through games, bu tnaturally we gravitate to the society norm of trying to fix her to fit that. Even I feel I need to have sex with all women to help society. I will refrain tho. It’s only natural to met someone with same hobbies or try to conform yourself to your lovers.

    • It’s not alllll about a relationship. I also need someone to do some fixer ups around the house :)…

      And well…. a girls got needs too.

      Down there.

      You know.

      In the vagina.

  10. So many people think they are open to possibilities when they really aren’t, they just feel like they’re supposed to be so they talk themselves into believing it. They stay stuck in a rut and go nowhere…complaining about it all the while.

    A couple years ago I broke myself out of a rut by going on a cross-country road trip. It was amazing. Not only did I meet wonderful people and make amazing new friends, I also had a fun, albeit short, relationship along the way. But none of it would have happened if I hadn’t been open to the possibility of any of it happening.

    It sounds like you’re open to the possibility of meeting someone and of things changing. That’s what matters. Keep your chin up, stay positive and it will work out the way it needs to and you’ll be happier for it.

    • I really do not want to rush things. I do have that feeling though of getting older. It makes me think of an episode of Sex and The City when Miranda is talking about being over 30 and single. She says something along the lines of how it is so unfair. A man over 30 and single without a place to live is still a catch because he is single. A single woman over 30 with her own house/car etc is seen to be tragic. There is a special pressure on women to have kids and be married. I can’t even imagine that being my life right now. I see friends that have done that and are happy, but when I think back on all of my ex’s I’m very happy I’m not with any of them. Well, all but college boyfriend. He was pretty special. lol

      • Thus the estrogen injection is complete…I knew this would happen one day, a sex and the city reference on my blog. I am going to weep.

  11. Sometimes the differences make the relationship more solid. Sharing interests and sharing hobbies are two different things.

    My wife and I are 23 years married and have 4 kids. We have a very good life. We share some interests in sports, music, TV, politics and books. But we have different hobbies and personal interests too. I play WoW, she could care less. She likes to watch goofy movies and read romance novels. /yawn.

    Typical night after kids’ homework, dinner, etc.? She watches TV (Grey’s, Vampire Diaries and Nikita tonight) or read on her Kindle while I play WoW. PC in the same room, set up so I can see the TV or chat with her while playing. Reasonable standards for when and how much vent I use helps.

    Works great for us. You will find the right person when you least expect it. And if you play WoW and he plays poker, so what?

    The bond comes from who you are as a person and not what you do as a hobby. You sound like a well-grounded person with many interests and a rich background. I’m sure you will find your Paladin (but don’t be so quick to dismiss DKs–some of us are really nice people).

    • Thank you for your kind words. :) Sounds like you have a relationship that many hope to have. Congratulations on 23 years, that is quite the accomplishment now-a-days!

      My main point of this post was really to say that I feel that in a way, my interest in World of Warcraft may be stifling my interactions with potential mates. Where as my hobbies in the past have been more person-to-person real life social, and WoW is an online social environment. It’s really not even a problem with meeting guys, its more the potential those meetings have of actually turning into meaningful relationships. (i.e. distance).

      I do still go out, and I think part of my worries on this subject as of late revolve around the fact that big “milestones” are coming up in my life as well as the fact that it is wintertime. I always become somewhat of a recluse. In the summer i’m going out 1-2 a week with friends, being much more out-there and social. In the winter I can become a bit of a hermit I suppose.

      • No problem. I’m lucky–I tell people I married “over my head” which is true.

        The point I was trying to make is that you will find your PM when you least expect it–when you aren’t looking.

        The part of attraction that matters is that you are confident and self-actualized. If playing WoW helps you do that, great. If going out to clubs helps, super. If its reading or rock climbing then those are what makes you YOU.

        You may find a PM in any of those places, or in somewhere completely unrelated. Most people with whom I speak say they found their mate when they weren’t looking.

        Sorta “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” but, stop looking and you will find it.

        Don’t get all caught up in false realities–your clock isn’t ticking, your friends lives aren’t your measuring stick, and 30 is the new 20. Everyone has something they enjoy doing–sacrificing pleasure and self-realization doesn’t make you more likely to find love: it just makes you manic.

        You aren’t a hermit–you date, you enjoy people. There’s not tin foil on your windows (I don’t think so at least) so your social calendar will fill up at your own pace.

        That was really it–just saying, be yourself.

  12. I met my husband in a video game as well. I love it that we’re both gamers. The male/female ratio actually makes it quite advantageous for a female player!

  13. I’ll say don’t rely on WoW/MMOs as the only social/hobby aspect as a means of meeting potential partners. As much as I love and value internet friendships, the odds of any friendship evolving romantically are narrow. We had one such evolution in our guild (Texas and Canada), but the concept for any person picking up and moving across the country is a big idea. Maintaing visceral, face to face relationships in off-line hobbies or community/social aspects is probably still the best way to meet people. But, you’ve said you’re still dating, so I suspect that is already the case with you particularly.

  14. I never dated a lot and wondered if there was a person for me forever and then one day I kinda just met someone and had kids and a lot of fun.. (If I tell you it did not work out 10 years later then it might blunt the topic a bit, :P). Anyways you seem like a cool person and I am sure good things will come when you least expect them.

    Dating on WoW or online in general is tough. In some ways I think you get a better look at who a person is.. but in other ways you kinda get that internet, say anything, do anything kind of attitude.. The distance thing is a factor too..

    Anyways nice post! GL!

  15. Hey Bee,

    I was married when I started to play WoW. I’m now getting divorced and have met and fallen in love with the Crazy Dutch Man whom I met playing WoW. In the past I’ve met guys through friends, through online dating sites, in pubs/bars, on holiday, you name it I’ve met men there probably!

    I’m a couple of years older than you (turning 33 in April!) and can honestly say, it is painful sometimes to think ‘oh fuck I wasted time with that relationship/man/why don’t I have babies yet’. BUT. I wouldn’t be who I was or where I am today without all the shit I’ve been through.

    I currently know of two other couples who are having muchos success having met through the game and been friends for a long time first. It can work but it takes commitment!

    If you are enjoying yourself and being you, the right man will come along and if he is the right man, you won’t miss him by going AFK because he’ll still be there when you’re back. Life has a funny way of giving you what you need before you realise it sometimes.

    Hugs and hope for your dreams,

    Deme

  16. I’m right there with ya sister.

  17. I’ve heard and experienced totally different things then what everyone else is saying.

    When I played the game was filled with mean nasty people that yell at each other and make fun of each other and belittle and insult each other. If your a woman you are treated extremely good though. It got so bad men started making female characters to avoid being treated badly. Half the female characters on there are male. It was always weird to see 2 males flirt with each other while one was pretending they were female. Mostly males in the game.

    I always noticed the men on the game go after women constantly even if married or if they have a girl friend. Many of the women I knew were getting their bills paid by men and their subscription to the game all paid for and real bills paid for by multiple men. Gifts too.

    I also witnessed many marriages and relationships being broke up because the other person gets addicted to the game and spends all their time on it instead of with their partner and meets someone else and cheats. I also knew many that became a couple and moved in together and broke up usually after 2 to 3 years because they met another person in the game yet again. If someone cheats once they will probably again.

  18. BoundLily Says:

    I came across this while explaining to a coworker that maybe she try playing the game to meet people. I met the man I love in game. I was lucky that the one I found was the one who was not only interested in more than just what I looked like, but he wanted ME. We met in game, fell in love, and have closed the distance.

    It can work. It just has to be for the right people.

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