Issues with dating a non-gamer.
A post by the beloved Scarybooster has inspired me to talk about this particular topic.
So, as you may or may not know, I am a single woman. I have been single now for over a year. My last relationship lasted 4+ years and was with a non-gamer. Well, I shouldn’t say non-gamer – he did like to play guitar hero. 0_0
When we were dating, I never shared with him that I enjoyed video games. We met playing poker at a local bar that put on weekly poker tournaments, so it’s not like he didn’t know I had interest in games – I just never shared that part of my life with him. During the time we met I was playing Heroes of Might and Magic pretty regularly, highly involved in the current commission that I was on. We didn’t spend every night together, and the nights I was free I would always boot up the comp and get in a few hours of playtime.
After a year of dating, he asked me to move in with him. After hesitation (and threats of disownment by my father) I obliged him. My computer was one of the first things I was concerned about getting hooked up. After the moving dust had settled, I attempted to get back into some of my old living habits in my new environment – one of which was my few nights a week gaming.
It upset him so much.
I don’t know why he let it bother him so much. I think when women get upset at their men for gaming it’s mostly to do with attention (or a lack thereof). The women feels neglected by the man and does not want to have to share time with some video game. We all know when we are gaming that outside stimulus can often be ignored. I can remember one night I was raiding with my guild, right after we had started raiding ICC, and it was our 2nd attempt ever on Saurfang. My roommate starts in with a story about work and I found myself doing the “uh-huh, oh really?, ok” shuffle. I couldn’t tell you anything about that convo today – well, other than I’m fairly sure it had to do with her job.
This wasn’t my ex’s problem though. He took issue with the fact that I was even interested in playing video games. He thought they were worthless and dorky. He told me that he couldn’t believe how much I played video games. (Mind you we are talking 2-3 nights a week for a couple of hours). One night he actually told me that he thought it was really unattractive. And I made the decision to stop playing.
It disgusts me to this day that I made that choice. I mean, if he wanted me to stop playing because it was taking away from the time we got to spent together, and he was feeling neglected by me, that would have been a totally different story. That I could have sympathized with. Instead, I let him get under my skin. He made me feel bad for wanting to play a video game. He was an asshole. Plain and simple.
Anyways… enough thinking about that douchenozzle.
Now that I am out and dating again, I wonder how/when I should share my love of gaming with a potential mate. When do people normally do that? There is at least one thing I know – I won’t be waiting until we move in together for this sort of information to be shared. There is honestly part of me that thinks it would be quite embarrassing to talk about it during a date, though.
Sexy Date: “So, Bee, what do you like to do?”
Bee: *flirty smile* “Well, I play guitar, I love watching movies, I take a cardio kickboxing class and I’m working on 25-man hardmode progression through the IceCrown Citadel with my guild PWNDEMNUBS.”
Sexy Date: “…..”
So do I limit myself to only dating those that also game? That would certainly help with any embarrassing feelings or explaining. It also would be nice to have someone to game with. (or “game” with)
At the end of the day though, I have positive feelings about it. Maybe I should look at Gaming Acceptance as sort of a filter for douchebags?
I know when the right guy comes along, he’ll accept/love me just the way I am. Hell, if he treats me good enough, I might even let him beat me in a duel.