So you met that Dream Geek Girl?
Well it’s getting close to Valentine’s day, and you met a wonderful girl online. But is she really a girl, or is she a G.I.R.L (Guy In Real Life)There are alot of guys out there who play chicks, and to get their free gold they aren’t going to bust character for your sorry arse. Sure you can just come out and ask, Are you a girl?, or ask to see some pictures but then you run the risk of losing your new virtual sweetheart, or being lied to.
Your in luck friend…I devised a test for you.
1. Video Game Question: Are you a healer, dps, tank?
If she answers healer add 3 points. DPS add 2 points, for tank add 1 point. If she plays an orc male rogue named Bob, -2 points.
2. Pop Culture Question: I never watched Jon and Kate plus 8, did you?
If she answers yes add 2 points, no add 0 points, she answered she never missed a show it’s not a negative, but she might be bat shit crazy.
3. Pop Culture Question : Did you see what Lady Gaga was wearing at the Grammys?
If yes add 2 points, no add 0 points, she says the same thing I wore to my drag performance – 2 points.
4. General Knowledge Question : What the hell is Fuchsia?
She answers a pink purple color add 2 points, if she says a color add 1 point, she says it’s the name of my penis – 4 points.
5. What kind of pets does she like?
If she likes cats add 2, if she likes dogs add 1, if she like pythons -1 point. Any girl that can feed mice to a python either has a penis, or likes women more then you do.
6. Situational Question: If she was driving, and got lost what would she do?
If she said stop ask for directions add 2 points, if she said not stop, and try to find the way – 2 points.
7: Situational Question: If playing around in bed, and you fart and hold her head under the covers, and give her a Dutch Oven, Would she?
Hit you, and call you gross add 2 points, Enjoy the aroma of you man stench, and then do the same to you add 1 point, teabag you – 3 points.
8. Sports Question : Scream “Go Penquins!”
Her reply is I love those little birds too add 5 points, if she asks if that’s some sort of sports team add 2 points, if she goes, “Fuck the Pens, Go Hawks!’ -3 points.
9. Movie Question: Have you ever cried at a movie that doesn’t contain a dog, soldier, or a sports figure dyeing?
If she has cried at other movies, add 2 points, if she only cried at these types of movies -1 points, if she cried tears of joy at the end of Too Wong Fu, then – 10 points.
10. General Knowledge Question: Do you have a vagina?
Yes add 100 points, if she answers now I do add 5 points, if no subtract 100 points.
Ok let’s see how your dream girl scored.
Above 100 points, She’s a girl, and lets face it your not going to get any better if you have to give this test. Just ask her to marry you, and bare your spawn, and be done with it.
From 0 -100 – She may or may not be a girl, or she use to be a guy. Either way take a chance, can’t be any worse then what you usually do on Saturday night with the bottle of Jergens lotion.
Below 0 – Yeah she’s a dude, you can stop giving her stuff now…unless you like your chicks with a little something extra you freaky bastage.