WoW: So you want to be a Mage?
So you see us blasting things with fun stuff like fire, and sparkly pew pew lazers..and you tell yourself…”Hey I can do that!” Sure you can, but can you do it right. Being a Mage takes more than putting out DPS, it’s about the attitude. Here’s a few things it takes to be a Mage, right.
1. Insane- You have to be a little nuts, you wear no armor, just cloth. Your practically fighting monsters from the depths of hell in your PJs. So you gotta be a little nuts. A mob is coming for you, you run TOWARDS the tank, and you frost nova the mofo. Wanna be a mage you see 10 mobs on the tank, you slap up some sorta shield..run in…and Arcane Blast those fools. They say there is a fine line between genius and insanity, and we cross that line daily.
2. Arrogance- Ok amongst ourselves the Mages, we know we are glorified vending machines, and mass transit systems…but damn it never let on we know. Always walk around like your shit don’t stink. When that Death Knight beats you on DPS chart, tell them you were filing your nails, and that boss wasnt worth the mana you spent. I tend to think that I am a noble exiled, and that the rest of the people are just peasants. Yea I know it doesn’t help people like you more, but their going to need a portal sooner or later, and we all know they aint going to fly, ride, or walk there.
3. Learn to QQ- I like to call QQing, “Whining with style” . They say Mages like to QQ alot, and we do. Hey you stand in a dress all day long, get beat up by Developers, and try not to act like a woman whose husband just came home smelling of cheap booze, and even cheaper strippers. Want to know where all the QQ started? It all started in Beta, we use to have Invisibility, when that was taken away it started a course of action that has changed the World of Mages forever. We started to QQ. Then really after that it was all downhill. There’s a saying in the Mage Community, “Blizzard employees all play Warlocks.”
4. Hate Warlocks- Well they take our gear alot of times, in PvP they got those damn stupid dogs that mess us up. Their arrogance makes us look like humble monks. I know when you fight one it’s enough to make you want to delete and reroll a Death Knight. I’ve been there, done that. Don’t despair…Be Patient…One of these days that Warlock will be caught with his pants down, literally. That’s when you blast that fool! When you kill a Warlock though, make sure you wait around for the Nerf for it, cause you just killed a blizz employee probably.
5. Having Mana Is a Luxury- No one waits for the mage to get Mana, get use to it. If you even say “Please Wait, I need Mana” The group leader will probably laugh, and kick you in the nuts (or cooch if you lack those). Just Evocate, pop a gem, or a potion and keep going. It’s better for you self-esteem that way.
6. Portals- You got them, people want them. If a stranger wants one, charge them…always. If not you’ll be added to the friend list, and when that lazy mofo needs a portal guess who he is calling. I always charge 10g. I get reactions like, “OMG really?”, and “I’m just a level 5″ Hey yeah really, if you don’t like what I charge, have fun walking. Also I’ve never seen a level 5 with no gold have so many heirloom items, and enchants. Some people won’t pay, but I bet they will…cause ever walk around Darnassus, ain’t no one else there, and it’s a long ass walk to Dalaran.
7. Kill the Skull- See a Skull, Kill the Skull. One time the raid leader put a skull on a player, I started trying to spam Arcane Blast. Should be like Pavlovs dog with a bell. Boom Skull, Boom Dead Skull.
8. Your going to die…alot - Get used to it, your wearing PJ’s for Jiminy Crickets sake. Better start farming gold for repairs.
9. When Questing Solo- if you kill less the 5 same level mobs at a time, please delete your toon.
Now you know how to act like a Mage, go out and kill some stuff.
September 15, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I agree with all but number 9.
First, I’m not frost spec – never have been and hope to god never will be.
Second, if I take on multiple mobs that’s when the warlock swoops in on me (usually with a DK buddy in tow).
I prefer to grind slower than give some trashy warlock the opportunity to catch me low and take me out.
Rest is spot on.
September 15, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Well even when I was FFB/Fire, I spent one point for blast wave, and frost nova is still pretty potent. Just because your not specced that way doesn’t mean you can’t aoe…god’s man your a mage.
That’s why I only put 5 at a time. As for Frost, I feel dirty without 8-10 mobs coming at me.
September 15, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Skipped FFB and went straight to fire, never picked up Blast Wave. (Hating fire and waiting for next patch so I can go back to Arcane.)
If I’m farming shoveltusks they come in nice, neat little packs that I’ll AoE.
Anything else is just asking for trouble on my server. It’s like wearing a giant “GANK ME” sign. Especially when farming fire… bastards will hover just waiting… bam! Never just one either, always in pairs or trios.
September 15, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Nice, love this post!
September 15, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Hah, I for one love point 9. It was my favorite part of being a Mage. My wife and I would run around and herd massive amounts of things until I’d give the hesitant, “Maaaaaaaybe we’ve done too much…” and blast the crap out of everything. Oh so lovely.
I’m trying to get my knowledge up to speed on WoW again in time for Cataclysm as I will only return when I can roll a Goblin. I have contemplated us doing a Warlock/Hunter duo but may have to suggest we do something with a Mage again…
September 15, 2009 at 4:58 pm
[...] the (LINK). Why I find this so funny? Hmm… probably too much Toy Story, either that or my medication [...]
September 15, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Rofl, “It’s not QQ’ing, it’s Whining with Style!”
I like to think of Cloth as “Cardboard Armor”. That and I always loved my little felpuppy, he was soooo cute, and full of juicy mana… Tap Tap
September 15, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Die Lock boy!
September 15, 2009 at 5:44 pm
This is so true. Every freaking word of it.
Amen, sir. Amen. ^_^
September 16, 2009 at 12:17 am
Hey now, most warlocks will NOT be caught with their pants down. Maybe their robes up.. but not pants down…. >.>
September 16, 2009 at 3:10 am
[...] PS: Close runner up for post of the day: WoW: So you want to be a Mage? [...]
September 16, 2009 at 3:19 am
“Your practically fighting monsters from the depths of hell in your PJs”
I want to wear my Wiggles PJs… but Blizzard wont hand them over!
“Always walk around like your shit don’t stink”
I’m a Gnome, my shit don’t stink… well, there is a faint aroma of roses…
“Hey you stand in a dress all day long, get beat up by Developers”
If only it stopped with the developers…
“When you kill a Warlock though, make sure you wait around for the Nerf for it, cause you just killed a blizz employee probably”
The reason why I am always nice to Locks… even blogging ones.
“No one waits for the mage to get Mana”
Nope. I usually just fall back to out of combat mana regen. If they wont wait, then I wont cast…
Side note: I pop water like it’s hallucinogenic candy… then I play my Shaman and cry every time I have to sit for a drink.
“Portals- You got them, people want them. If a stranger wants one, charge them”
I didn’t spec into Portals… too far down the STFU tree.
“Kill the Skull- See a Skull, Kill the Skull.”
To give you healer something to do, kill the sheep, then run to the tank, then complain about the fool that broke your sheep. Extra points if you break the sheep with a dot.
“Your going to die…a lot – Get used to it, your wearing PJ’s for Jiminy Crickets sake”
Don’t ever get out of bed and go to work wearing PJs without coping a little bit of shit…
“When Questing Solo- if you kill less the 5 same level mobs at a time, please delete your toon”
Deleted…
September 16, 2009 at 2:02 pm
#4. Enough said.